Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Discontent and seeing things from hubby's point of view

There comes in time in I'll dare to say every marriage that things become routine and the wife feels unappreciated and would love a compliment. This is the time when instead of focusing on herself, she could fish for compliments by focusing on her hubby. This involves being open minded enough to not nit-pick about the logistics or fairness of the matter, but to just joyfully go forth and do what needs to be done.

What I mean is, how many can raise their hands and say that their husband doesn't seem to notice that they keep his closet in perfect order, but he certainly notices when a few catalogs have been left on the chair by the door for a week. A wife expects an appreciative husband because she spent an hour organizing his closet just the way he likes it and instead he mutters about the catalogs on the chair. Well, why can't he pick them up? Why doesn't he see the hard work I put into his closet? Open your mind and joyfully and without question dispose of the catalogs and make it a point to keep the chair clear of clutter. As strange as it seems, he'll appreciate you more for spending 2 minutes moving catalogs than spending an hour on his closet. Why? Probably because you've acknowledged that you've listened to his gripe, saw his concern and acted upon it in love towards him. Men appreciate having what they say and want happen. We all do.

Now, before you go off on how strange, silly and unfair and perhaps even immature that is, keep in mind that we wives aren't so different. Hubby goes off to work day after day and we don't even bat an eye. I can probably even say that many of us are practically shooing him out the door so we can start our days and routines. However, we get all snippy when he leaves a wet towel on the floor. (The hook's right there!) It's the same scenario.

How many women smirk because hubby handed them a diaper while she's changing the baby and he expects all sorts of praise and thanks for going out of his way? We laugh, but it's true. But, we're the same in hubby's eyes. How many of us women expect praise and thanks when we notice the oil needs changing in the car and we take it to the express lube? We think, "Well, that is going above and beyond. Car maintenance is hubby's department." Well, he probably thinks the same about diaper changes!

You might think, "The baby's different. That's his kid too!" But he might think, "Yeah, but the car is yours too!"

This is supposed to be an amusing post with a couple of points:

1. Remember to try to see things from hubby's perspective. It can save a marriage from some arguements.
2. If the praise has gone stale in your house, revive it by praising your husband and by doing something he'll notice and care about.

I'll watch hubby as he passes through the house and see if he wrinkles his nose at something. Perhaps it is an untidy desk, a pile of toys, a dusty radiator or something of the like. The next day before he comes home from work, I'll clean it up. When he notices and a glimmer comes to his eyes, though he may not say anything, that's compliment enough for me!


Laura Leigh Dobson said...

thank you for this post. i needed it.

Jeannie said...

Wonderful insight, and with this being my first time here at your blog(found you through Candy's) I have to say you have alot of nice topics discussed here, thanks for sharing

LYNN said...

Great post! I have found myself getting irritated with dh over things that are just not worth it. But, I'm working on it! :)

Jane said...

This was a good obserervation. Thanks for the perspective I haden't thought of it just that way......