Friday, January 20, 2017

I don't have to be exceptional

Purchase at Target
(not an affiliate link)

It seems the millennial "everyone is special" has birthed the post-millennial trend of
"you need to be exceptional."

Just a quick browse through social media and people show their best faces, smiles, accomplishments, etc.

As a child I enjoyed watching figure skating on TV.  At the time a perfectly landed triple lutz was a rare thing where everyone oohed and ahhed and the executor of it was lauded as an amazing athlete (usually male).  Imagine my surprise when I found figure skating on TV just a few months ago and the girls were landing quadruple/triple combos!!!!

Just how limitless are we?!

There is a lot of pressure out there to be exceptional.

Do it "like a boss."
Be a "bad@$$."
"No excuses!"
"Own it!"
"Nail it!"

I was walking through Target and saw this water bottle that says, "like a boss."
It actually gave me a little anxiety to see it.
I thought of all the ways I felt like I wasn't measuring up in an instant.
Ridiculous, I know!

So, I reminded myself that I don't need to be exceptional.  There is nothing wrong with ordinary.  There is nothing wrong with simple.  There is nothing wrong with not being a "bad@$$" at something with a Katy Perry Roar attitude.

There is nothing wrong with being a strong personality with drive and noticeable ambition, either.

All I am saying is that I am giving myself permission to not have to over-achieve anything, or prove anything to anybody.

I have the freedom to just live, breathe, love, and do.



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Choosing

I joke that I am always wobbling between wanting suburban materialism and rural simplicity.  

Over Christmas, I was at Target for the umpteenth time.  I finished my shopping and returned to my rusty mini van trying to shake off the lingering feelings of guilt I always get when I spend money beyond the normal budgeted weekly allowances.  I had to wait for a woman to back out and drive away before I could move.  She looked so posh in her newish black car, her professionally dyed hair up in messy bun encircled with a cute headband/earwarmer, and she drove one-handed as she sipped her Starbucks beverage.  As Target bags filled the back of her car, she didn't look one bit guilty for her purchases as she sped away.

I wanted to be her.

I wanted to shop at Target with abandon and not feel guilty for buying new towels, or grabbing that cute book for my kids, or snagging those clearance cute boots.

On the drive home I thought about how I could live that life.  I decided it was possible.  I would just need to keep my kids in public school and get a job.  Even just a part time job would give me the extra money to splurge.  I could really make our little home nice and not so patch-worky.  I could order Starbucks every time I walked in.  Maybe I could even drive a nicer looking vehicle.

I contemplated it pretty seriously for a while, but I couldn't shake off how it would complicate things.

Did I really need to leave my home and work a job just to binge-shop at Target?  Would it be worth it?

The freedom I have, that my family has with me being at home is worth the lack of funds.  Sure, income can be a sort of freedom, too.  It's nice to be able to just go out to eat rather than having to rush home and make something from scratch before tummies rumble on an outing.

But, my kiddos are still small.  I'm still dealing with health issues and anxiety issues.  And I don't need more THINGS in life just because one woman looked glamorous and guilt-free in the Target parking lot.

Too complicated.

Some day I may truly need to get a job.

Just not today.

I choose simplicity.

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

T'is a Gift To Be Simple



#Simplicity

So very much has changed since I last blogged.

I tried starting other blogs under other titles, but then I fizzle out and always end up coming back to my first love, this blog right here.

I even thought of starting a blog called "T'is a Gift to be Simple," but that is just my theme for this year.  Perhaps next year, too.  Perhaps a forever lifestyle change, but how can I know that?

What I do know is that I have a heart for this little Taigh Beag, this little Cottage of the Hill and all the changes that have occurred under it's little (and now, thanks to hubby and my brother-in-law, new) roof.

We have changed churches.
We enrolled out school-aged children into public school.  (And they LOVE IT!)
We have a dog!!  (I'll introduce him in another post)
We are officially out of the baby/toddler stage and hauled the last toddler bed out of the house two weeks ago.

So, that is how 2016 ended for my big family in our little house.

2017 has begun with Simplicity.

I am inspired by so many advocates of simplicity:

The Tiny House Movement
Minimalism
Vintage and Historical Domestic Accounts
Zero-Waste Home

It isn't just simplicity in the home, though.

I left a church/denomination where I felt Christianity was complicated.  I wanted to shut up all the voices, the opinions, the pat answers, the Christian "speak" and just hear God.  I felt like Christianity is supposed to be much more simple and straight-forward.

My body has revolted on me.  Despite over a decade of eating healthfully and exercising, it wasn't enough.  I need to simplify not only my diet, but my stress levels and activity levels.  I am becoming much more realistic about my expectations of myself and life in general.

I am also accepting that I am a simple person and I am content with a small life.
I don't need to prove anything or accomplish a great deal.
It truly is a gift to be simple.

This blog post is linked in:



Thursday, February 18, 2016

Doing Away with Party Favors


Over the years the rise of bigger and better birthday parties for our children has some parents reeling.
Their child comes home from these parties sugared and artificial colored up, and carrying a bag of more sugar and colorings or cheap plastic party favor toys.

Some mothers take it in stride.
It's all part of the fun of birthday parties.

Others aren't so happy, and they are beginning to speak up.
Junior is messed up for a week from all the artificial colors.
The toys get lost or broken quickly and wind up taking up space in a land fill.

I, personally, don't want parents or guardians to feel obligated to give my child anything for coming to the party.  We're just happy we got invited to celebrate!  We don't need tokens or gifts of our own.

But, some parents feel it is necessary or just want to give back.

So, here are some ideas of how to "favor up" a child without the cheap candies and toys:

1.  PHOTO BOOTH:  You can either hire one or set one up yourself.  Children can dress up or just pose for a cute picture you can print out for the family to add to their album.

2.  SEED BOMBS:  This can double as an activity at the party.  Children can make seed bombs to take home.  Seed bombs are seeds mixed in balls of clay and allowed to dry.  The bombs can then be planted or thrown on the side of the highway (check local laws).

3.  FACE PAINT:  Instead of carrying a bag of goodies home, a child can wear a bit of fun on their face!

4.  MANICURES:  Get those nails done!

5.  PONY RIDE OR PETTING ZOO:  Give your guests something special by hiring a pony ride or petting zoo.  Experiences trump things!

6.  U-PICK FARM:  See if you can have the party at a U-Pick farm and children can take home some produce as a favor.

7.  HOMEMADE GUMMIES:  Find a recipe online for healthy, homemade gummy candies and make it ahead of time or as an activity at the party.

8.  RECYCLED CRAYONS:  Have your guests bring (or hit your own stash of) broken crayons.  Kiddos can melt the crayons (with adult supervision) and use molds to create their own new crayons.  
9.  FAIRY GARDENS:  Buy or gather natural materials, or have the children raid your yard for materials to build a fairy scene or garden to take home.

10.  CARDS:  Perhaps your child and his/her friends are card gamers, or collect cards like sports cards or character cards.  If all the guests are involved in the same game or interest, have them bring their collections to play or exchange and provide some new packages for them, or sleeves.

11.  BIRD SEED:  Guests can depart with their own bag of bird seed for their feathered friends at home or at the park.

Do you have any environmentally friendly and health conscious ideas?  Leave them in the comments.


Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Imperfectly Perfect Home



I'm a real estate junkie.

Every weekend I look for open houses to visit.

I'm very judicious, though.  I personally think it is poor form to bother realtors every weekend just to look at houses.  I'm sure they'd catch on and get a bit miffed or weirded out that this lady keeps showing up but never buying.

But, if a gorgeous vintage cape cod or bungalow shows up on the market, or a pretty farm house, or colonial with many originals still intact, you bet I'm going to be there!

This past weekend, my neighbor's house had their open house.

The house is a 40 year old small ranch that fell into sad disrepair since the elderly who lived there couldn't keep up with it, were sort of hoarders, and had dogs that kind of did what they wanted where they wanted.

A real estate company bought it, gutted it, and fixed it up and I just HAD to see the transformation.

It was quite the treat to walk in, smell the fresh paint, and see everything brand new and professional done.

No crayon marks on the walls.

No scuffs on the floors.

No stains on the carpets.

No dust bunnies behind the appliances.

No dirt on the welcome mat.

No scratches on the cabinet doors.

No fading, discoloring, yellowing, candle soot, dirty diaper smells, leaks, or pitting.

It. Was. Perfect.

Later that night, I was washing my kitchen floor and noticed my discolored, scuffed, stained, dripped on lower kitchen cabinets.

They are original to the house...1950...enameled metal.

Not easily repainted, and after decades of use, not easily cleaned to gleaming, either.

We have a little red chair in the kitchen for the children to use to put their shoes on, but it often gets dragged to the counter, and banged against the cabinets in eager hope to stir the batter and lick the spoon, leaving red paint streaks on the dingy white enamel.

I was tempted to be disappointed in my scuffed cabinets.

My house isn't perfect.
Far from it.

I can see the wrinkled noses of any future real estate agents should we ever sell.

But this little cottage is our home, and every scrape, scuff, and gouge has a story to tell.
No red marks on the lower cabinets means no little helpers to stir the batters for more.

Some day we'll repaint and repair.*  Perhaps we'll even be able to remodel.

For now, the best part of the glorious imperfection of our little cottage is that it isn't a big deal if the kids do mess something up.

*Now, don't get me wrong.  Our house isn't in such a state of disrepair it is disgusting.  Just well-lived-in.


Monday, February 01, 2016

Considering Before Tossing


One of my favorite shows to watch is BBC's Victorian Farm.
I was able to acquire the companion book for it as well.



In the series, Ruth Goodman explains how nothing went to waste on a Victorian Farm.  It wasn't a matter of environmental concerns so much as it was a moral economic duty to not be wasteful.

It really challenged me to consider what I haphazardly toss away on a daily basis.

I'm pretty frugal and environmentally careful, but there is always room for improvement.
For example, I tend to use tea bags twice.  I'll make hubby's mug of tea for breakfast and then make myself a cup of tea with the same bag.  I don't require it as strong as hubby does, so it works out that I get the weaker tea. 

Now, normally, I am pleased with the frugality and practicality of getting two teas out of one teabag before tossing it, but I learned through Ruth Goodman that I can save the tea leaves for another use.  Damp tea leaves sprinkled on the floors prevent dust from blowing up into the air when cleaning the floors!  (Yes, I am totally going to try this because I hate cleaning my floors and in the sunbeams streaming through my windows seeing the rolling clouds of dust billowing from my efforts.)

Ruth also says that the cleanings from the floors, including the tea leaves, then goes onto the compost heap.
I'm not sure if I can do that, though, simply because in the 21st century our dust is more synthetic.  There's plastic bits, polyester fibers, and other icky pollutants we sometimes have to live with simply because it's the 21st century.
So, in the dustbin my floor cleanings will go.

Just last night I had to scrub out some cast iron pans.
I dry them with paper towels (because the pans tend to blacken my cloth towels) and then rub them down with oil with a square of paper towel.

I am scrimpy with my paper towels anyway, but just as I was tossing the paper towels into the trash I realized they are not yet spent for the trash.  They can be dried and composted.  They can be dried and used as a fire starter for our outdoor wood boiler, especially the oil soaked one.

Even the wax paper wrapping off of the butter can be reused.  Use it to grease a dish and then the wrapper can become part of a fire starter

Yes, all of this is time consuming, and who wants bowls and buckets of trash laying around because it might have potential use somewhere else.
I get that.
But it is an interesting experiment to see how far we can go before something is discarded.

Not only do we in the 21st century have an economic concern for wasting not, but an environmental one as well.

For more information on reducing your waste and consumption, go to my sidebar and read The Zero Waste Home blog.

Don't be discouraged by the extreme success Bea has had with her experience.  It can seem all too much for some of us, but rather GLEAN what you can do.

Every little bit can help your purse strings and this earth that God gave us.





Thursday, January 28, 2016

Back To Austerity


Watching British Historic Realty TV is my new hobby.  Programming such as Coal House, Turn Back Time: The Family, Back In Time for Dinner, Wartime Kitchen and Garden, and the Farm Series' with Ruth Goodman, Peter Ginn, and Alex Langlands are some of my favorites.  What intrigues me most about these shows isn't just the rose-colored romantic history, but the glimpse into the austerity of the working class and wartimes throughout history.

Austerity is a word the British use quite frequently to describe the war years and post war rationing years.  In context, I had a general idea of what austerity meant, but decided to look it up in Webster's Dictionary for a more intimate understanding of the word.

  •  a simple and plain quality : an austere quality
  • : a situation in which there is not much money and it is spent only on things that are necessary
  • austerities : things that are done to live in a simple and plain way

Watching these programs, I felt a familiarity and kinship with the people as they put to practice the lives set before them, while at the same time I am struck by just how good I have it!  Compared to the average-presented American, we have much less than most.  But compared to history, I think we'll survive just fine.

I grew up what the current lexicon calls "working poor," which is typically a family that works, but earns below the national average, but typically earns too much for public assistance.  It still amazes me that those who are subsidized still manage to have luxuries I only dream about.  I don't begrudge them or judge them, but I do feel a little twinge.  But, my own sensibilities (or guilt complex) keeps me from indulgence.  As my cousin's wife once told me, "it's what you choose to make your priorities."

Growing up, I knew money was always an issue.  One of the things I heard so often was, "we can't afford it."  I remember sitting at my friend's house while she and her mother poured through JC Penney catalogs picking out her new wardrobe for the school year.  I knew I wasn't even getting new underwear and could only hope for hand me downs from my stylish cousin.  Other girls took dance lessons, music lessons, 4-H, horseback riding, clubs....and I stayed home.  Even driving to such events was economically prohibitive, never mind the fees and expenses.

It didn't really sink in just how wide the gap was until I asked on facebook what perfumes the girls wore in high school.  I remember my discount drugstore bottle of Exclamation that was a Christmas present.  The other girls from high school listed brands like Estee Lauder and Chanel.  I think now, "wow, but at least I had perfume!"

So, I was used to austerity, anyway, and rather proud of that.  But, I still didn't want to live it to such a degree.  I had no problem having to budget, or having to save up for something, but I wanted to live comfortably enough so as to be able to pay the bills, have emergency back-up, and enough money for one little vacation a year.

For a while, we managed.  But life threw us curve balls we never expected.  Without getting too personal, the bulk was serious medical stuff.  Everything turned upside down.  Plans we made fell to the wayside.

And we find ourselves facing 21st century austerity.....which still includes TV and internet and Wii, ironically.

Despite the modern "luxuries," I feel the pinch and worry our foremothers in those austere years must have felt.  Like the coal miner's wife, the heavy burden of wondering if injury or illness would befall the family and ruin them hangs over my head, too.

I also feel familiarity.  We live small by American standards, especially for having 4 children.  So, I relate to those tiny flats and cottages presented in the programs.   After watching Coal House, I looked around my own little cottage and realized just how BIG it seemed!

While we do have enough beds for each child individually, and even one toddler sized bed remaining, two of my boys choose to sleep in the same bed.  It's a common old fashioned practice that warms my heart (and their bodies) and makes the rounds of kissing them good night a bit easier and more precious.

The other familiarity is the food!  We eat similarly...simply, homemade, inexpensively.  I laugh a little when the families in the programs turn their noses up at the boiled potatoes and slice of organ meat on their plate, because one of our favorite meals is heart strips in a gravy with boiled or mashed potatoes and a side of veg.

Sometimes staying warm (or cool in the summer) can be a challenge.

Often the kids play outside because the house is so small.

Sometimes cooking on my tiny range can be a challenge.

There was even a time I washed clothes by hand because my machine broke.

Do we really need all these electric lights?

Do my kids really need those snacks (especially when dinners get picked at)?

We rarely buy retail anything.  We love hand me downs and freebie finds.  We have no problem fixing or repairing what we can and making do.

And yet, I watch these programs and realize firstly that we are not so very austere, and secondly, that perhaps we could afford to become even more austere.  Perhaps we can take a few more pages out of the home life history books and actually live BETTER than trying to reach an ever wavering American Standard.

So, when I worry that we had to stop sending our oldest to piano lessons to help sustain the budget, I can remember that a large portion of our music history comes from the self-taught.

When I worry that my kids might become bored without the latest app or toy, I realize that necessity is the mother of invention.  Less really can be more.  Imagination is put to the test when there is so little.  And I remember when my oldest was a little guy and we had few toys, how much happier he was to play, how imaginative he was, and how grateful he was for anything new.

They'll be ok.  They'll survive.  They'll thrive!

And I am not saying all of this to glean atta boys or sympathies.  It is more like thinking out loud and being encouraged and challenged that a bit more austerity may be quite the benefit to my family, not only financially, but relationally, and imaginatively.

I look forward to the experiment.