So, You Want to be A Stay at Home Mom?

 What I wish I did to prepare to be a stay at home mom:

I was young, naive, and, let's face it, life was very different 19 years ago than it is, today.  Back then, as a young bride, I was religiously and socio-politically conservative, believing strongly that it was best for me to stay home.  I also feared that if I took on a career we'd have gotten too used to the income to allow for me to stay home.  These were all "stuck" mindsets I wish I had the influence, education, and gumption to overcome.  

Now that I am older and wiser, hindsight is 20/20.  I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and my husband was supportive of that.  However, I should have been more supportive of him, of us, instead of focusing so heavily on what I wanted.  

1.  I wish I had taken getting a career more seriously.  There were options.  For example, I could have simply finished at least an Associates Degree at my local college and then become a teacher's aide at my alma mater.  That would have given me a steady income to contribute, but also days off and summers off to homemake as I wanted.

2.  I wish my husband and I had made plans better.  We could have financially planned and made arrangements for our future with children.

3.  I wish I had a steady income-earning career so we could have paid down debts and saved up.  Instead, because I insisted on staying home, even childless, we lived paycheck to paycheck, which was fine until it wasn't.  A slew of emergencies caused a whole lot of financial hardships that we're only just crawling out of.  We're out of the shipwreck, out of the ocean, on shore, but still tired and wet, if you catch my drift.

4.  I wish I had a career to fall back on and grow in.  I'm a college drop-out.  Again, hindsight is 20/20 and I can see now how that was a very bad idea.  But, I allowed some faulty theologies and ideologies rule over reality and reason and now I am paying for it by having to slog through the unknown and look a fool trying to figure this all out with almost no experience.  Thankfully, people are incredibly forgiving and supportive.

5.  I wish I took my time instead of trying to rush it.  I wanted to be a mom so badly that I agonized when I wasn't, and then was ill-prepared when it was time!  I was so busy worrying about getting there than I didn't enjoy the trip.  

6.  I wish I wasn't so self-centered about it.  I agonized over it so much, and lived in faulty ideologies so badly that it left my dear husband out of the loop.  I'm sure he felt detached and distanced, unheard and unheeded, overwhelmed even.  

Of course, I don't dwell on all this, now.  I thought about it, wrote it down, but otherwise for the benefit of others who might want to plan to be a stay-at-home mom, this isn't something that haunts me.  I still had a wonderful many years home with my babies and opportunities still have knocked for me.  I've grown from this, learned from this, and will support my children and their spouses when that time comes, hopefully helping them with wise advise (if asked for).