We May Become Part of the New Unchurched

 

In my 40 years of life I have never not gone to church.  There were brief breaks here and there in recent years lasting no more than 3 months tops, but church on Sundays has always been a part of my life.

Until now.....

We may become part of the new unchurched.

The unchurched is typically meant to describe agnostics, atheists, and apathetic people who don't attend services on Sundays or belong to any church or denomination.  However, there is quite possibly a growing group of unchurched people who identify as serious Christians.  They are Christians who would like to find a church community, but are struggling to do so.

What is our struggle?

We can't seem to find a church we can agree upon.

I like Catholicism, but my family does not.  My oldest likes our former church, but I struggled with some of the theology and my husband struggled with some of the politics.  Also, the church was very community-based, which is great, but we live in a different community. 

I refuse to go to a church that is too casual, uses those hideous purple and blue lights, rocks out to worship, and/or has unchecked non-denominational personalities as pastors.  

None of us want to go to a church that is only staying afloat because of the old ladies running everything.

So many mainline churches are very left of center...and we are not.

But so many conservative churches are too far right and have fallen into Trumpism and politics, or they are legalistic.

And what about the children?!  It's very hard to find a church that has youth in it, especially youth serious about their faith.

I don't want my kids a part of an outlying or fringe church.  I grew up Assembly of God and my classmates at school thought I belonged to a cult.  Everyone else was mainline Protestant or Catholic.  

Breaking into a church culture is HARD.  I hate walking into a new church and you just feel that you're breaking the rhythm and normalcy of the church.  People may be friendly and welcoming, but everyone is already established in their cliques and groups and it is hard to find a home there.  You'll forever be the "newbie," the "outsider."  

Theologically, I have a hard time finding a church that I agree with.  I actually agree with a lot of Catholicism, but in order to join, you have to agree with ALL of the dogma and vow to it!  Other churches I could probably stomach theologically fall into the categories of no youth and run by the old ladies. 

People say be the change, but we belonged to a church where we were being the change they wanted to see, and it was incredibly lonely and isolating.  I was homeschooling at the time, and church, I hoped, would be a source of socializing and making friends for my children, but there were hardly any other children there besides their cousins and a few older kids or a few new babies too young to be their friends.  And everyone lived so spread out that getting together was very difficult.  We lived a good 35 minute drive from the church.  

That brings up another problem.  We don't want to travel for church.  If we're going to plug in, we can't be distanced from the church, making it too hard to join groups or participate in anything besides Sunday worship.  However, our local community doesn't seem to have a church we all would like to attend.  

The closest thing we have to an integrated community church with youth that is nearby is the Catholic Church.  And my family does not want to become Catholic, and between Covid and a previously dissolved youth program, my children haven't been able to get plugged in with peers.  

So, we sit.  And I pray.