"I Hate My Life!"

Spouting off. Doesn't the Bible call it railing?

Off days happen. Some worse than others. I recently had a super-busy, crazy, insane day. You know those days - when the children won't stop misbehaving, the baby is screaming and getting into everything, you're seemingly constantly juggling two or more things at once, and the house is a wreak no matter your efforts. I was at the end of my very frayed and frazzled rope. I had two misbehaving kiddos outside, and I was inside with a screaming infant trying hopelessly to find my lost mei tai wrap so I could take the baby outside since he hates the outdoors unless he's attached to me. I caught myself slamming door as I looked everywhere and I said out loud, "I hate my life!"

The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. That is true, but sometimes we're just saying something more impacting to blow off steam. I don't really hate my life. I love my life! I just hate when my kiddos can't go 2 minutes without misbehaving. I hate when my infant screams and nothing soothes him. I hate when I've got a 1000 things to get done and nothing's getting done because I'm constantly having to quit in the middle of it to take care of something else! I hate when I lose my cool and let my emotions get the better of me.

But never mind all that. What REALLY slapped me in the face was this immediate thought after I said, "I hate my life": Inside, I heard, "What if I just took it all away, then?" I looked at the screaming, tear stained face of my infant and just wanted to huddle....put it all (my life) under my protective wing like a mother hen does with her chicks.

I'm sorry I said it. I'm sorry I had such a crummy day in so many ways. It was good in others, but overall pretty crummy.

We have these days as mothers. They come, they go, we try to improve upon them and erase them from our memories. But never, never do I want to give up my life...this life that God gave me. I'd like to change a few circumstances, but not LIFE.

Comments

CallaLilly said…
Praying for you Kate! Even with grown children we can have those fleeting thoughts. I found myself Monday night wanting to "cash it all in in" because I felt like such a failure in every area of my life. But the key word was "felt." Neither one of us is a complete failure. We make mistakes and have bad days, but that is everyone's lot in this fallen world. God is still good, still sovereign and still has WONDERFUL plans for us :)
10:35 AM
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