Etiquette for Encountering Someone with an Unusual Name

As someone with not only an uncommon name, but an uncommon pronunciation of that name, I thought it would help people to have a little guide on what to do when they encounter someone with an unusual name.  Whether it is at work, school, volunteering, church, or though friends and family, we may meet someone or see on paper or screen a name that we are unsure of how to say.

Here are some things NOT to do:

1.  Do not ignore their name.  (My name isn't, "hey.")
2.  Do not give them a nickname.  (I had a teacher refuse to learn my name and simply dubbed me "Student X."
3. Do not give them attitude if they correct your pronunciation.  (I had a school administrator rudely tell me, "whatever," when I corrected their pronunciation of my name.)
4.  Do not make fun of their name.
5. Do not question why they were named that (except in honest, interested inquiry.)
6. It's ok to repeat their name a few times if you are trying to remember it, but don't make a big show of it, or do it loudly.
7.  Do not argue with their pronunciation.  (Yes, I know my name is more commonly pronounced a very different way.  There are actually several ways to pronounce it and all are correct for the name, itself, but not for every individual who bears the name.)

8.  Do not exclude or discriminate them because you don't want to deal with their name.

9.  Do not blame your mispronunciation of their name on them for having the name.  Seriously, that's just childish and rude.
10.  Do not ask them why they don't just change their name.  Why don't you change your attitude?

Here are some thing to do:

1.  Do make every effort to remember their name and pronounce it correctly.
2.  Do agree to a nickname if the person insists (we know our names can be a challenge to remember or pronounce and will often provide a nickname.  We know you mean well when you try...and butcher repeatedly...pronouncing our names, but just accept the nickname.)
3. It's ok if you've known someone by their nickname for a while to inquire as to how to pronounce their real name.
4. Please do politely ask them (repeatedly if necessary) to remind you how to say their name.
5. It's ok to have trouble with uncommon names.  I'm not immune to mistakes, myself, with people's names.  Just be polite about it and deliberate in your attempts to remember.
6.  Do be low-key about it.  (Our names draw attention to us, already.  We don't need a big deal, positive or negative, made about them.  You don't need to call the whole office staff over to hear "how pretty her name is.")
7.  Do apologize if you've pronounced a name incorrectly.  A brief, but sincere, "I'm sorry," or "Pardon me," is sufficient.  No need to get dramatic and penitent.
8.  Do check in to see if you are still pronouncing it correctly.  (Sometimes we get sick of correcting all the time and just give in to the mispronunciation.  Sure, that's on us for not taking a stand, but we appreciate it when someone cares.  True story, I have allowed people to just go ahead and mispronounce my name, but then they've gotten upset when I didn't respond to them calling for me.  I wasn't deliberately ignoring them.  It's just that I don't have an automatic response to what is essentially a different name.  If your name is Tim, you don't respond to Jim.)

I hope this helps.  Unusual and uncommon names are becoming more common, as are ethnic and cultural names unfamiliar to our Western ears.