When Your Spouse is a Keeper
Is your spouse a keeper?
I'm sure they are in your eyes. :-)
But, what I mean is, are they the kind of person who likes to hold on to things?
They like to collect.
They like to own things just for the novelty of it.
They hold onto things hoping to enjoy them eventually.
They're sentimental.
They worry about the future and keep things "just in case."
They are clutter-blind.
They like having things about them, finding it cozy and homey.
They are visual and don't like things stored away.
I'm sure they are in your eyes. :-)
But, what I mean is, are they the kind of person who likes to hold on to things?
They like to collect.
They like to own things just for the novelty of it.
They hold onto things hoping to enjoy them eventually.
They're sentimental.
They worry about the future and keep things "just in case."
They are clutter-blind.
They like having things about them, finding it cozy and homey.
They are visual and don't like things stored away.
And you? You're more minimalist and can't stand clutter. Perhaps you're the main housekeeper, too, and thus the management or cleanliness of the items falls on your shoulders. Your spouse might pitch in from time to time, but because they aren't as sensitive to dust, mess, and clutter as you are, it isn't really on their radar to manage it.
This can become a battleground in a marriage. How can we find a compromise when we have a keeper for a spouse?
I am a HUGE proponent for personal space. If you can manage it, GIVE THEM A SPACE! Whether it is a man cave or a she shed, if you want their stuff outside of your management, they have to have a space to put it in. The space then becomes the container and they can only keep what fits in that container. If you don't have space in your home, even though I am against storage units in general and find it to be a burdensome expense, it may actually be an investment for minimalists married to keepers. The rental fee may be worth your sanity. If it's workable in your budget, try that.
***Another option is if you have family or friends with some real estate, see about getting a shed placed on their property and paying them a rental fee. It may be cheaper than a storage unit, and could help them out financially. Perhaps an elderly couple on a fixed income, or trade for keeping up their lawn for them.***
Unfortunately, that doesn't always solve the problem. Not everyone has the real estate or funds to create a space. Also, some of us run into the problem of the keeper spouse filling that space and then they start using the main living space. It starts with one little pile or project and before you know it, you're dusting around bits and bobs, piles, and what the heck is THAT!?
Reality is, if you marry a keeper, you are agreeing to having to put in regular effort in managing the keeper's stuff. So, take a deep breath. Release the resentment. Here are some more tips.
Most keepers will willingly get rid of stuff. Maybe not to your desired level of let-go, but they will. Most keepers are visual, but out of necessity stuff gets layered and becomes out of sight, out of mind. If you fill a box with stuff you're pretty sure they don't even remember, they'll likely get rid of some of it.
***If you have a true hoarder or your spouse is displaying strong emotions about their stuff this falls into needing professional help.***
I am a HUGE proponent for personal space. If you can manage it, GIVE THEM A SPACE! Whether it is a man cave or a she shed, if you want their stuff outside of your management, they have to have a space to put it in. The space then becomes the container and they can only keep what fits in that container. If you don't have space in your home, even though I am against storage units in general and find it to be a burdensome expense, it may actually be an investment for minimalists married to keepers. The rental fee may be worth your sanity. If it's workable in your budget, try that.
***Another option is if you have family or friends with some real estate, see about getting a shed placed on their property and paying them a rental fee. It may be cheaper than a storage unit, and could help them out financially. Perhaps an elderly couple on a fixed income, or trade for keeping up their lawn for them.***
Unfortunately, that doesn't always solve the problem. Not everyone has the real estate or funds to create a space. Also, some of us run into the problem of the keeper spouse filling that space and then they start using the main living space. It starts with one little pile or project and before you know it, you're dusting around bits and bobs, piles, and what the heck is THAT!?
Reality is, if you marry a keeper, you are agreeing to having to put in regular effort in managing the keeper's stuff. So, take a deep breath. Release the resentment. Here are some more tips.
Most keepers will willingly get rid of stuff. Maybe not to your desired level of let-go, but they will. Most keepers are visual, but out of necessity stuff gets layered and becomes out of sight, out of mind. If you fill a box with stuff you're pretty sure they don't even remember, they'll likely get rid of some of it.
***If you have a true hoarder or your spouse is displaying strong emotions about their stuff this falls into needing professional help.***
Because keepers can be sentimental, you run the risk of them opening a box, finding something they've completely forgotten about, but it triggers a memory or feeling, and they wind up keeping it, even if to just throw it back into the box to be forgotten again. A trick is to have a memories container. Whatever fits in it is what can go in it. It creates a limit and helps the keeper sort through what is really important to them, and what is just a quick dopamine kick.
Depending on your spouse, you may be able to just get into their spaces with a trash bag and start throwing stuff away. Keepers may not always be the best at getting rid of refuse. For example, they may get something for Christmas, pull it out of the packaging, but then put it right back in haphazardly and store it in their space. Unless it's a collector's box that adds value to the piece, you can likely just throw away the packaging.
Most advice these days are about minimizing and not just organizing. If you want a more manageable house, a cleaner house, a less-stress house, you have to get rid of things. But, if you're married to a keeper, organization is key. They won't get rid of enough, so their things need to be organized for your own sanity. Invest in good storage totes or a wall unit, or free-standing closet. If they collect things, glassed in cases can greatly reduce your need to dust.
If you're a minimalist, especially if you have a capsule wardrobe, give your keeper the closet. You can get away with a small free-standing unit, an armoire perhaps. That way your keeper has the greater space (and you can shut the door).
Next, I suggest quarantine bins. This is an idea I got from Dawn at The Minimal Mom . If you have stuff you're just not comfortable parting with yet, put it in a tote, put an expiration date on it, and if by that date you haven't cared about what is in it enough to even open it up and retrieve it, you can get rid of it.
Lasty, consider buying them experiences for special occasions and not things. Not even things that you can use up (because they either won't get used up, or will get used but some portion will be kept).
Depending on your spouse, you may be able to just get into their spaces with a trash bag and start throwing stuff away. Keepers may not always be the best at getting rid of refuse. For example, they may get something for Christmas, pull it out of the packaging, but then put it right back in haphazardly and store it in their space. Unless it's a collector's box that adds value to the piece, you can likely just throw away the packaging.
Most advice these days are about minimizing and not just organizing. If you want a more manageable house, a cleaner house, a less-stress house, you have to get rid of things. But, if you're married to a keeper, organization is key. They won't get rid of enough, so their things need to be organized for your own sanity. Invest in good storage totes or a wall unit, or free-standing closet. If they collect things, glassed in cases can greatly reduce your need to dust.
If you're a minimalist, especially if you have a capsule wardrobe, give your keeper the closet. You can get away with a small free-standing unit, an armoire perhaps. That way your keeper has the greater space (and you can shut the door).
Next, I suggest quarantine bins. This is an idea I got from Dawn at The Minimal Mom . If you have stuff you're just not comfortable parting with yet, put it in a tote, put an expiration date on it, and if by that date you haven't cared about what is in it enough to even open it up and retrieve it, you can get rid of it.
Lasty, consider buying them experiences for special occasions and not things. Not even things that you can use up (because they either won't get used up, or will get used but some portion will be kept).
Be creative! Be respectful and understanding. Your keeper spouse will be more amenable to coming up with solutions if you don't treat their keeping ways as if they are wrong. They aren't wrong.* They are just different.
*Again, I'm not talking about mental illness or emotional issues that may cause hoarding.
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